he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
