It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
