You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize