I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
