The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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