there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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