Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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