You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
