she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
