Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
