I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
