similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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