Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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