I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
