If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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