idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
