sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
