I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
