I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
