When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
