I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just google imaged poop.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
