Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
even my farts smell like vagina
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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