You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
