Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
