If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
