last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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