yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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