nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
