wanna go halves on a baby?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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