Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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