I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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