I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
