i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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