I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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