did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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