Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
