so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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