if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
