I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
