there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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