She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
