i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
