i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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