Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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