Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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