Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
