im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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