So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
