Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
