I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
