This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
