a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
