My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
