we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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