happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
