Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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