it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
