I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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