Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
