I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
