Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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