I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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