Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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