Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
